Good Advice? Bad Advice? I Need YOUR Advice!

Okay…so I have an issue that came up for me recently, I gave some advice to a follower about her own situation using mine as an example…and now I am wondering if my advice was appropriate. I would very much like to hear what each of you think/feel about this:

As many of you know, my son is away at Marine Corps boot camp (he’s doing very well by the way and I’m incredibly proud of him) and the only connection I have to him is snail mail. It is very hard on a mother, especially when she can’t even pick up the phone and call. Three months with a few letters can almost break your heart.

Anyway…J and I know this couple (we’ll call them W – the husband and S – the wife). W is a Marine, and to make matters even better, he used to be a drill instructor at the same training base my son is at. I began talking Marines with W almost every time I saw him. I spoke to S about this on multiple occasions and she was so incredibly kind about it, telling me she understood and I was more than welcome to talk to him anytime and she was glad he was able to help.

Well…a few weeks ago, that all changed. I’m not sure what happened. The two of them showed up at a bar I was at (J was out of town and I was there alone). She and I talked for about 45 minutes or so and laughed and enjoyed ourselves. Later, I talked to W about how my son was doing, etc. At a point later in the evening, I was sitting with a female friend of mine, just talking about life and S came up to me, got in my face, was pointing and angry and told me to never speak to W again! W was no where near me at the time. I didn’t know what hit me. In an instant, my connection (which I felt through W) to my son was abruptly severed. She wouldn’t say anything more and wouldn’t talk to me about what happened.

I called J the next day and we had a great talk about it. He was very supportive and understood why I was so upset. We addressed the fact that, among other things, this could start a lot of rumors about what I might have done with W while J was out of town. A LOT of people heard her and will jump to conclusions.

I told J I was prepared to respect her wishes and as long as W never approached me, I would not speak to him. I refuse to be rude and just ignore a man who has been nothing but good to me…however, I also do not want to be the cause of problems in their relationship and so…I will never talk to him again if he doesn’t approach me.

J and I had another conversation about it when he came home and I just felt compelled to tell him how incredibly grateful I am to have him in my life. He was curious why I brought that up now and I said “Because so many men would have handled this in a very different way than you did and you made me feel safe. I am grateful for that.” and he said “I handled it this way because I love you.” and I said “No…you handled it this way because you believe I love you. There is no bigger compliment than when you tell someone you love them and they believe you. If they have doubts, there will be jealousy and fear. If they don’t, there is only love in return.”
I’m very lucky…J knows without a doubt that I love him, so no matter what rumors evolve from this, I know he’s behind me and with me, holding my hand no matter what anyone else thinks.

After this all happened, a follower came to me with a problem. My advice to her was the same as my advice to myself. Sometimes, its better to let things go. These types of people are looking for drama and the more we talk about it, the more we feed that drama. The best way to end something like this is to keep our distance, be friendly when directly faced with the people (no drama) and move on. No need to bring it up, they know what they’ve done and so do we…that should be enough.

Fast forward a week or so. J and I are in the same bar for a benefit auction and W and S show up. W gives me a slight nod and a smile and I took that as him saying “Let’s just do this, but I’m okay.” I smiled back and moved on with my day. J and W played a little pool, talked to each other and seemed to be having a good time. W brought the subject up with J and J mentioned I was upset but I wanted to respect S’s wishes and that’s why I wouldn’t be talking to him. W said he would talk to S and see what he could do to make the situation better for all of us.

I saw W talking with S a few minutes later. Within an hour, W was sitting across from me giving me a very (intimidating??) icy glare. Clearly, S said something to make sure even W wasn’t okay with me. Then W went to J and told him he was done with both of us, that J had no idea what his woman was really like and that I needed to stay away from him.

So…rumors are flowing. S has clearly said things that are not true. They’re talking behind my back about something that never happened. And I am ready to address it!
My new advice to my follower is this:

Sometimes, it really is better to let things go and move on. Sometimes, it really is better to take the high road and refuse to participate in the drama. And sometimes, it is absolutely necessary to stand up for yourself, reclaim your pride, show you can’t be intimidated and then move on.

Which advice to do you think is better?

Let it go?

Stand up for yourself?

Because at this point, I’m not sure…but I do know, the next time I see W and S…I’m going to let them know exactly what I think about her insecurities, his attitude and their need to use me to feed the drama they clearly need in their relationship. They will know, from me, that even if they need drama, J and I don’t and I will no longer keep quiet and just sit there and take it!

What would you do?

Please comment...maybe someone will stop me from being just a little bit too...ummm....ME!

Much Love,
Mercedes